“Confusion is that wonderful state right before clarity”.

I read somewhere that any given time there are three or four major challenges/issues that are floating around in our consciousness. I believe money and health to be usually the two biggest, then relationships and lets say…miscellaneous.It seems that for years i have felt extreme confusion around the subjects of money, health, and relationships and I cant say that has changed much over the last 22 months of sobriety when it comes to money and relationships. I can say that my mental health has improved greatly and my physical health seems to be returning even if its at a snail’s pace. I guess I thought that after I got sober I would have this amazing clarity in all areas of my life and while that sounds nice it just hasn’t quite happened that way.Anyhow thats all a little off topic so I will get to my reason for writing this post.
I returned home yesterday from an amazing mountain biking trip in the Tahoe Sierras and felt led to resume a study course I ordered online from Joe Vitale(internet celebrity and star of the hit movie The Secret) called The Awakening Course. This course goes through the different stages of Awakening starting at victimhood, then progressing on to empowerment, from there you enter the stage of surrender, and finally you get to the stage of awakening. Where I left off when I was last working on this course was the victimhood stage. At first I believed I had already progressed through this stage, especially after reading books like “The Four Agreements”, “The Celestine Prophecy”, “Seth Speaks”, and many others and all the work I had put into meditating and evolving my consciousness over the last 8 years. I wasn’t quite sure though, especially after recognizing that I still had some of the “victimhood” level issues still going on in my life.So I popped in the next cd entitled empowerment. This one sounded pretty good and I sat down on the futon to listen intently and expand my consciousness. Mr Vitale started talking about how when people get a hold of certain books, movies or other media that teach us that we create our own reality that we are able to progress to the next stage of awakening which would be empowerment. So I’m listening and he almost immediately goes into his “5 steps” for manifesting whatever you want into your life. I didn’t get past step two before I started feeling horrible. Step one I was o.k. with; know what you don’t want. Step two; change what it is you don’t want into an intention for what you do want, stopped me dead in my tracks.After all I was reading a book by the very same author called “Zero Limits”, (which I highly recommend) in where he says that he gave up intentions basically. That an intention is only a premonition of what inspired direction is next to come from your subconscious.Anyways I felt confused, disappointed, and just like I did when my 2nd grade teacher tried to hold me back from going to the third grade. After 5 minutes of hearing about all these “steps” I was so upset I drove to the store for an ice cream fix.When I got back I texted a friend to tell her I was on an ice cream binge( I felt led to do this), and after her asking me what started it I texted back that I didn’t know. She called me shortly thereafter and I explained to her the events of the evening and how confused I was and she cut me off and thats when things got interesting. She proceeded to inform me that the reason why I was upset was that I had already progressed through the stage of empowerment and that I was already onto the next stage of awakening called surrender. The words she used were perfect and I was wondering how much I had told her about this course. We are on similar paths but this is someone I hadn’t talked to for 10 years up until I got back in touch with her about three weeks ago. The fact that she was able to see my situation with such clarity blew me away and I am still dumbfounded.
So, as I went through my day today and especially after having talked to her on the phone again today, certain things started to make sense. I had already stated intentions. In fact I put them into affirmation form and ordered binaural beat meditation tracks with them in the background. I intended to get sober and got sober. I decided to move to the mountains to snowboard. I picked the house I wanted, the job I wanted and the roommates I wanted.I got all of it. I remember the faces of my fellow co-workers at the small natural foods store when I told them I just moved to town a few days earlier. They said they had a huge stack of applications from locals that had been coming in there for months.The car I’m driving now(an older mazda 626), was given to me after I practiced visualization for 9 days. I had been through the empowerment stage. I had been there for at least a few years. What a relief to realize this. Not that I didnt enjoy learning about all these techniques, visualization, affirmations, setting intentions and the like, I just didn’t want to do it anymore. I am growing past it. I had been practicing Ho’ oponopono for over three months now, and it quickly got me to a place where I realized I was screwed If all this were up to me.I have no idea what is best for me. In fact over all, in general, I don’t have a clue.So in hindsight it makes complete sense why thinking that i had to go through the empowerment stage again depressed the hell out of me. I felt like I was being held back in school.The earth school.
Today I am just brimming over with gratitude for this new found clarity as it feels like my navigation system is back up and running and I feel I know that I am o.k. and that someone is in charge and its not me. I feel like diving into this idea of surrender with more gusto than before.I would rather let go and let god than say affirmations and set intentions and wonder why I was still unhappy. I feel so much more peace now that I am learning that if I just do what I know to do to stay out of the way, that what is perfect for me at any given moment will just happen naturally. I have to say there is one thing that is really becoming true for me. It really does get better the better it gets.


2 responses to ““Confusion is that wonderful state right before clarity”.

  1. keep following your inspiration. our intentions, while wonderful, are still limited. this is a beautiful journey!

  2. It feels like a mighty big leap sometimes though Divinity keeps letting me know that everything will be fine. It is so very beautiful isn’t it? It seems to be getting better too. Love you.

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